It is really freaking hard to leave your baby. I mean duh right? But for some reason I think I thought it would be more “routine” because I’ve been doing it for almost 4 years already. Leaving your newborn however, isn’t easier just because you’ve done it before with your first kid. I’ve had a week full of brutal truths. It’s not that I want to wallow in the negative but rather let it out, set it free. Sharing it seems to help and I hope that by being here, you too can find some freedom from the challenges and simply know that if you’ve ever felt, are feeling now or are afraid of anything I’ve been through, you can rest assured you are not alone.
Does it feel a bit soon? Yes. But am I passionate about my job away from home? Yes. And for that I am so incredibly grateful. I know we all feel differently and there is truly no right or wrong way but this works for my family. Working away from home has just as many challenges and joys as staying home, they just come in different forms sometimes. Plus, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and “keeping a home” isn’t one of my strengths so, if that was my full time job, I’d probably suck at it but since I don’t have kids home, making messes all day long, it stays decently clean.
Through the tears and the nerves, I have to also remind myself that this is good for me. That I thrive off the confidence, joy, community, sense of accomplishment and so much more that I gain from being a working mom. I am damn proud of myself for raising little humans while also doing something for me. And truthfully, doing it for my kids too. It is such an adjustment to leave them as infants and I do wish we had quality maternity leave policies here but my son thrives off having his own thing too. Maybe it’s because he’s never known anything different but we would honestly drive each other crazy if we were home together every single day now and I know I am down right blessed that he’s never had to attend a “traditional daycare” either. He loves getting up & having somewhere to go in the morning, other people to play with, toys different than his own, coming home with stories to tell… and boy do I love hearing those stories. They never get old. And those of you who follow me on Facebook seem to love them too 😉
So while I know in time, it will get easier because I have witnessed this before, I am going to meet myself where I am at right now. I accept that leaving my youngest baby is HARD. I won’t try to mask the struggle or pretend it’s easy. I will let go of what I cannot change and focus on what I can. My mindset.
Baby Lu still hasn’t fully taken a bottle but my dearest friend watching her, certainly won’t let her starve. In fact, she’s even willing to bring her over to my workplace so I can nurse her during my lunch break (how selfless can she be?!)That also means one less time I have to pump during the work day for now and that’s a job in itself. It’s okay that most of my clothes still don’t fit, I’m lucky I have a job with a very casual dress code which means I have a lot more flexibility in what I can wear, even if it means still rocking maternity pants. I don’t get to witness every smile or little change in real time but how lucky am I to live in an age of technology where I can get photos and videos sent to me all day long? I don’t just go to a job that provides me a paycheck, I go to one that makes me happy, with people who are happy to have me there. Speaking of paychecks, it doesn’t hurt that I’ll have one again. I know we are so blessed to have all that we need and be able to work for that knowing that our babies are being so loved by people we trust.
Seasons that bring about so much change, can be so hard. There’s no denying that. But they can be oh, so good. I can’t wait to share so much more of that with you. But for now, could you throw an extra good vibe my way. Today, I’m gunna need it.
PS: Be sure to ask when you need it too, I’ve got big virtual hugs to send all over the world, friends.